Frequently Asked Questions
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What is childhood trauma and abuse?
Childhood trauma and abuse stem from the negative impact of the actions of others on/with children. Trauma is not limited to only physical abuse like sexual assault, molestation; it also encompasses abuse, neglect and household dysfunction. The impacts of child abuse also come from passive abuse like narcissistic behavior from adults, being talked down to, shaming, having right taken away, and being scolded or punished for healthy child-like behaviours.
Child abuse and trauma can also come from adults failing to act in ways that protect children. Abuse causes injury, death, emotional harm, or risk of serious harm to a child. There are many forms of traumatic childhood experiences, including neglect and exploitation.
An approximate 70% of adults in the world have encountered at least one traumatic event in their life that has forever influenced them. Some of these events are child abuse, domestic abuse, deaths, accidents, and mental, emotional, unwanted touch, and physical traumas
I know what I should be doing, but I can't seem to be able to take the first step. Why?
This is a great question and the number one reason that I coach Trauma survivors around the world, why are you stuck and how can we get you to overcome? Unhealed emotional wounds, narratives we hold on too, day to day stress could be some of the reasons why you are not fully enjoying your potential and living the life that you want. The first step is possible once you understand the practical and real-life ways that you take that step.
My childhood had so much trauma and abuse that no one can help me. How can you?
As a coach for adult survivors of child abuse and neglect, I have lived experience of abuse and neglect. My story is not that different from many thousands of people in the world. I was raised by several people growing up, both inside and outside of my family. When I was sent to live with a new caregiver in the city, during that time play was not allowed. My daily routine consisted of chores and homework and I was not allowed to speak when the adults were talking unless I was spoken to. My chores increased significantly when the wife of my caregiver suddenly passed away. I started cooking, cleaning and taking care of my younger sister, I also became quiet. I was focused on my tasks, protecting my sister, covering school work and avoiding beatings. The last caregiver I had before reuniting with my mother was an alcoholic who owned a bar in the compound where we lived in Kumba, Cameroon. She promised Mom she would take good care of us and once Mom was gone, she turned me into a mini house manager at 13. For the next three years, I cooked, cleaned, sold in the bar, managed her money, worked hard for school, and took care of my sister and other children this woman had in her care. I have worked on my healing and trained as a coach to help others find peace.
What's the difference between a therapist and a trauma and abuse coach and mentor?
Therapists will typically concentrate on pain areas of the past, use a passive/non-active way, look at things through a diagnostic or medical approach. Therapy also takes a significant amount of time and devotion. Finding real efficiency in therapy can take years and even decades. Finding the right therapist plays a crucial role in a restorative manner. A coach focuses on the present and the future.
How long have you been a trauma-informed coach for adult survivors of childhood trauma?
I have been sharing my story and guidance for a couple of years now. In that process, I have guided many people to a better understanding of themselves. It has been through the process created that they have been capable of turning dreams into reality.
What is the biggest challenge that you have overcome in your own life outside of being a trauma-informed coach?
Becoming my true self. Stepping into my potential and becoming who I truly am is the hardest thing I have ever done. Surviving child abuse was the first step, what I am doing now, is practicing tools that allow me to thrive.
What type of adult survivors of childhood trauma do you work with the most?
I work with survivors who are ready to do the work to go from stuck to freedom, they are ready to commit and make the changes that will free them and allow them to thrive in the present and look to the future with serenity.
How would you describe your method as a trauma mentor and coach?
I work to provide drive and guidance to my clients so they may respond to challenges, improve relationships and live a full and rewarding life after trauma. The focus is on changing negative conditions and creating outcomes that are measurable, generating powerful solutions in a positive environment. Through powerful questioning and other methods we will discover what we need to work on.
Do you offer online trauma-informed coaching?
Yes. I work primarily online. With special arrangements, I can schedule in-person Trauma Coaching sessions if we are in the same city.
What will happen in the trauma coaching sessions that I have with you?
Our sessions are based on your needs, and each session will be different as we recognise your pain points, triumphs, successes, and road map to success. We'll check in, reference our game plan, and talk about what's working and what's not on your mission. Ultimately, the time we spend together is space held for you to continue your journey to healing, happiness, and sustainability after childhood trauma.
I'm still not sure if I need a trauma-informed coach. How else can I know?
- Are you easily triggered and don't know why?
- Are you unhappy with the state of your life?
- Are you still impacted by child abuse in ways that keep you from being happy?
- Does your behavior negatively impact the people around you?
- Do you feel out of touch with reality?
- Are you missing the clarity and feel like you are stuck?
- Is everyday life and the little things a struggle?
- Are you lost in seeking a purpose?
- Do you feel trapped in memories of abuse and trauma?
- Is getting out of bed the thing you dread the most?
- Do you feel like you are not living up to your full potential?
- Do you have flashbacks from traumatic events?
- Do you self-sabotage?
- Do you find yourself not feeling worthy of love and companionship?
- Is everyone around you telling you that you need to seek help?
- Have you read all the self-help books and nothing has changed?
- Do you get easily distracted and lose focus?
- Do you blame others for your mistakes and shortcomings?
- Are you struggling with your self-image?
- Have you lost jobs or relationships because you aren't giving them all?
- Do you feel entirely unfulfilled with everything you do?
- Is your mental and physical health failing?
- Do you feel like you have tried everything?
- Does it feel like the weight of your trauma and abuse is still haunting you?
- Do you feel disconnected from reality?
- Do little things piss you off?
- Are you subject to fits of rage and anger?
- Do you always not feel "good enough" or worthy?
- Do you seek validation from others?
- Are you unorganized?
- Is your self-esteem tied to drugs, sex, or alcohol?
Should I hire you as my trauma informed coach?
The short answer is only if you are ready to commit to change. The reality is that if you are not:
- Ready to be emotionally vulnerable
- Face the challenges ahead
- Willing to stop making excuses
- Committed To your greatness
- Brutally honest with yourself
- Open to the fact that change doesn't come overnight
- Accepting that there is no magic pill to heal trauma
- Ready to face your biggest fears of self
- Willing to be held accountable in a way you never have
- Open to taking action that will change your life
- Committed to investing whatever it takes into yourself